I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
