Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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