I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
