sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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