Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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