Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
