there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
