also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
