u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
