I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
