Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
