He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
True strength comes from lack of pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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