Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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