I bet he comes in French.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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