Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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