The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
