CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
