Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
