Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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