When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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