He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
