Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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