The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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