I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
