Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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