you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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