My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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