it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
