i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
