Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
