hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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