I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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