I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
