I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
