Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
