once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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