everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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