god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
