So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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