Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
