Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize