people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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