Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
