I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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