I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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