Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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