Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I will pee on everything he values.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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