She said her name was "party"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
