I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
