it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
