do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How external is "for external use only"?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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