I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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