We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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