I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think people are normalizing furries
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize