Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
