god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Text me some of your sweat
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
