he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
