Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
