I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
