What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
