don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am spending my child support on dildos
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
