; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize