I CAN MOONWALK!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
