I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize