so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
