Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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