So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
they need to just BURY HIM!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
